Tag: Religion

Theresa say’s ‘F**k You’ to the DUP by legalising gay marriage

The House of Commons has decided that the law of the UK should apply to all the country.

In, what is widely seen as Theresa May’s last ‘F**k You!’ to the DUP, Parliament voted to legalise gay marriage in the province. This brings Northern Ireland in line with other religious fundamentalist states such as Alabama.

For God’s Sake!

National Psychic Association warns of the danger of fake psychics

The National Association of Seers, Psychics and Mediums (NASPAM), has asked everyone to be on the lookout for fake psychics. Their ‘I Saw You Coming’ report highlights cases where people in great emotional need have been fleeced by predatory, unregistered, con artists.

If you’re concerned your psychic may not be real, and you want to hand over your money to properly accredited fleecers, you should only use NASPAM registered mediums. Continue reading “National Psychic Association warns of the danger of fake psychics”

St Bastard’s Comprehensive closed when Religious Studies students attempted to re-enact the Crucifixion

St Bastard’s Comprehensive in Whitchurch, Shropshire, faced emergency closure today after Religious Studies students attempted to re-enact the Crucifixion as a part of their coursework.

Ian Napton, the tutor, found himself being hoisted up on to a cross brought specially into class by two of the stronger boys. “At first, I played along, but when I saw the little bastards had real nails, I screamed ‘Jesus Christ!’ at the top of my voice. Fortunately, Miss Minors, the History teacher in the classroom next door intervened, for which I am eternally grateful, although I could have done without her telling the class that my lessons are fictional while hers are factually proven.”

The class had enlisted the help of their friends in Woodwork to build the cross. “We sit through this shit twice a week,” complained student Jayden Goodchild. “We wanted to see if the stories have any substance to them.

A spokesman for the Board of Governors played down the incident. “This morning’s incident has been overstated in much the same way that last week’s collaboration between Chemistry and History students seeking to recreate Nazi gas chambers was. St Bastard’s prides itself on bringing history to life.”

Qatar’s bestselling book is ‘How to beat your wife, for Dummies’

Qatari Sociologist, Basher Al Hardah’s academic treatise ‘How to beat your wife, for Dummies’ is at the top of the Arab Times best seller list. The handy guide, with its’ simple easy to follow pictures, has proved popular with cowardly, mindless, insecure thugs and the religious.

Basher argues that when applying a beating, it’s important the woman feels the man’s strength and understands his masterfulness. He explains that science has shown this to be the will of God. A half-starved 10th Century goat herder wrote it down, so it must be true.

Continue reading “Qatar’s bestselling book is ‘How to beat your wife, for Dummies’”