Scientists, working at Cretinous College, Camford, have solved one of science’s greatest mysteries, Why is chocolate milk brown?
After a series of trials, much money and a completely fortuitous observation by one of the cleaners, scientists confirmed that chocolate milk gets its colour from Brown cows. Continue reading “Chocolate Milk comes from Brown Cows say scientists”
Qatari Sociologist, Basher Al Hardah’s academic treatise ‘How to beat your wife, for Dummies’ is at the top of the Arab Times best seller list. The handy guide, with its’ simple easy to follow pictures, has proved popular with cowardly, mindless, insecure thugs and the religious.
Basher argues that when applying a beating, it’s important the woman feels the man’s strength and understands his masterfulness. He explains that science has shown this to be the will of God. A half-starved 10th Century goat herder wrote it down, so it must be true.
Continue reading “Qatar’s bestselling book is ‘How to beat your wife, for Dummies’”
Scientists have unveiled an algorithm relating to men, which plots the converse law of need, verses availability, in times of urgency.
Dubbed the McPhee paper, extensive research into male behaviour patterns, suggested that the greater the severity of the family crisis, the least likely they are to be contactable. Continue reading “Scientists prove that when mummy needs some help around the house, daddy’s bound to have buggered off again”
Extensive medical research into male hearing, has left many women slightly unsurprised but bitterly disappointed nevertheless.
Studies confirm the hypothesis that hearing in men is indeed selective, or more commonly known as, ‘cocking a deafen.’ Continue reading “Science confirms men can’t listen to women talking”
The DofE faced a backlash today after plans to make talking during third-period Science a capital offence were leaked to the media.
DofE spokesperson, Ian Napton, defended the plans; “Of course, people are questioning this policy. I think it just needed some clarification. It wouldn’t apply only to third-period lessons and would of course be used in subjects other than Science. We think this will curb the worrying trend of not all children going on to become high-flying business executives.” Continue reading “Department of Education’s radical plans for the reintroduction of Capital Punishment cause controversy”
Ian Napton, a perfectly healthy man, in his early thirties, insists that as he is suffering from a slight cold he’s on the verge of death.
“It was horrible, I felt a bit of a sniffle and had a couple of sneezes and that was it, I was done in. Of course I immediately took to my bed, armed with nothing more than a couple of good books, my mobile, the laptop, the TV Remote and a Classic Car magazine. There was no telling how long I was going to be off my feet, I thought I was going to die.” Continue reading “Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death”