Tag: Scotland

Scotsman admits Burns Night is just a chance to fleece cash from the English

Ian McNapton has admitted that Burns Night is simply an excuse to fleece the gullible English.

“Och, of course it is. Fer Christ’s sake we blow bagpipes and read poetry to a bowl of mince and tatties and then we charge them £100 to eat it.”

Och Aye, ye ken now but ye’ll be back!

Breaking News – Nicola Sturgeon’s Acceptance Speech

Can I just say how delighted I am by this result. With there only being one party in Scotland it was a real honour for us to finish second. Nothing characterises being Scottish more than losing, especially when winning seemed the easier option.

SNP, nearly winning
Scotland, the playground for the English Middle-Classes

Discovery of a giant Golden McNuggett sparks Scottish gold rush

Tempted by riches beyond compare and the glory of finding the next big thing in over-priced, pretentious gastronomy; fast-food vendors, pop-up restauranters and panhandlers have been making their way to the Scottish Highlands in search of the fabled Golden McNuggett.

Aye, it’s every bit as delicious as they say. You’ll have another slice of square sausage, will ye not?

The Yellow Submarine To Be Repurposed As A Trident Nuclear Sub

Sir Ringo Starr has been in the headlines this week after slamming plans to repurpose the Yellow Submarine as a Trident Nuclear Sub.

Sir Ringo, who was knighted earlier this year for his stellar work on Thomas The Tank Engine, told the media, “This is a bloody disgrace! The Yellow Submarine was meant to be a bit of light, childish fun about the dangers of taking too many serious hallucinogenics in the broom cupboard of Abbey Road, not about nuclear Armageddon!”

It’s only Scotland