Can I just say how delighted I am by this result. With there only being one party in Scotland it was a real honour for us to finish second. Nothing characterises being Scottish more than losing, especially when winning seemed the easier option.
Tempted by riches beyond compare and the glory of finding the next big thing in over-priced, pretentious gastronomy; fast-food vendors, pop-up restauranters and panhandlers have been making their way to the Scottish Highlands in search of the fabled Golden McNuggett.
Scotland’s First Minister and Leader of the SNP Nicola Sturgeon has stated her full support for Alan-Whickham Smythe, the Sky News studio chair who last week announced that he was sitting and standing in the General Election.
Sir Ringo Starr has been in the headlines this week after slamming plans to repurpose the Yellow Submarine as a Trident Nuclear Sub.
Sir Ringo, who was knighted earlier this year for his stellar work on Thomas The Tank Engine, told the media, “This is a bloody disgrace! The Yellow Submarine was meant to be a bit of light, childish fun about the dangers of taking too many serious hallucinogenics in the broom cupboard of Abbey Road, not about nuclear Armageddon!”