Tag: Scotland

Discovery of a giant Golden McNuggett sparks Scottish gold rush

Tempted by riches beyond compare and the glory of finding the next big thing in over-priced, pretentious gastronomy; fast-food vendors, pop-up restauranters and panhandlers have been making their way to the Scottish Highlands in search of the fabled Golden McNuggett.

Aye, it’s every bit as delicious as they say. You’ll have another slice of square sausage, will ye not?

Nicola Sturgeon Sits Behind Sky News Chair Running In General Election

Scotland’s First Minister and Leader of the SNP Nicola Sturgeon has stated her full support for Alan-Whickham Smythe, the Sky News studio chair who last week announced that he was sitting and standing in the General Election.

Vote Chair! Vote Chair! Vote Chair!

The Yellow Submarine To Be Repurposed As A Trident Nuclear Sub

Sir Ringo Starr has been in the headlines this week after slamming plans to repurpose the Yellow Submarine as a Trident Nuclear Sub.

Sir Ringo, who was knighted earlier this year for his stellar work on Thomas The Tank Engine, told the media, “This is a bloody disgrace! The Yellow Submarine was meant to be a bit of light, childish fun about the dangers of taking too many serious hallucinogenics in the broom cupboard of Abbey Road, not about nuclear Armageddon!”

It’s only Scotland

Ministry Of Defence lock up lazy Scottish Tourist

A tourist has been arrested after accidentally loitering on the steps of the Ministry of Defence.

Tom Merton, (25) from Glasgow, was enjoying his Ryvita and £8 cup of London coffee when he found himself being handcuffed, gagged and manhandled by armed Ministry of Defence Police who clearly have nothing better to do with their time.

You can’t sit there

Scottish commuter goes ballistic as idiot blocks ticket barrier at tube station

A normal human being has been arrested outside of Gunnersbury Tube Station after threatening to murder everyone for walking too slowly.

Tom Merton, (25) from Glasgow, was apprehended by the British Transport Police when slow-walking Londoners made him eight seconds late for his District Line service. The normal-speed-walking Glaswegian lost his temper and kicked one of the automatic ticket barriers when the business executive in front of him decided to stop to make sure his accounts were in order over his Bluetooth headset.

Get a ‘kin move on, you tube!