Tag: Scotland

Apple sparks security alert at Glasgow Airport

Apple Bomb

A Squeezy Jet flight to Glasgow caused a massive security alert, after an apple was mistaken for a bomb. All flights were grounded, and the airport evacuated, whilst the emergency services dealt with the unidentified fruit.

There has been previous criticism of the airport’s handling of ‘security incidents’. One terrorist, who tried to drive a bomb laden car into the departure lounge, was beaten up by a passenger. “Anyone coming to Glasgow to blow the place up should feel secure in the knowledge that they’re safe to do so.” said an airport spokesperson. Continue reading “Apple sparks security alert at Glasgow Airport”

Euro 2020 allows useless teams in but there’s still no room for Scotland

European Championships Wall Chart

In the wake of hugely productive talks over the creation of an unfathomably brilliant 48-team World Cup, allowing space for sporting giants such as Azerbaijan, Lithuania and Bhutan, plans are afoot for a further expansion of the European Championships.

UEFA press guru, Dr Darren Devine, was on hand to unveil the scheme; “In 2016 we took a crucial step forward, moving from 16 to 24 teams. It’s only logical now that we move to the next stage in our evolution – 54 teams.” Continue reading “Euro 2020 allows useless teams in but there’s still no room for Scotland”

Scotland to get extra Bank Holiday to celebrate Euro20 success

Bank holiday as Scottish Refs reach final

Ian McNapton, Scotland’s Minister for Sport, has put forward a motion to make March 22nd a new Bank Holiday. Mr McNapton was trying to restore the nation’s morale after the side’s disastrous performances in the recent Euro20 qualifying games.

Unfortunately, everyone who saw Scotland play thought, “Same shite, different day. This lot would manage to finish second in a game of Solitaire” Continue reading “Scotland to get extra Bank Holiday to celebrate Euro20 success”

Scotland off to a flyer as they start their exit from Euro 2020

Euro 2020 Football fan

Thursday evening saw Scottish football write yet another chapter in its long and illustrious footballing history as they kicked off their Euro 2020 Qualification Campaign away in Kazakhstan.

Despite having a squad decimated by as many as three injuries, the Scots named a (relatively) strong team for the Euro 2020 qualifier and, according to boss Alex McLeish, “started brightly”. It’s hard to argue with that contention when the match stats clearly show the away team held their hosts at a creditable 0-0 for almost six entire minutes. Continue reading “Scotland off to a flyer as they start their exit from Euro 2020”

The Great Scottish Whisky Robbery – Whisky Galore 2

Over the last 15 years, sales of Scotch have boomed. This River of Gold has fuelled stunning growth in the Scottish Economy and it’s all down to one man.

Sitting in an Edinburgh Pub an Advertising Executive, called Daniel Mallen, had a very clever idea. As he watched some English golfers, sound off about their Whiskies, he noticed  they tried to out do the other with evermore superlative, and knowledgeable, descriptions of the whisky. It was fruity, smoky, oaky, cokey, fragrant, chocolatey, apparently it had a lovely nose and a long finish. Continue reading “The Great Scottish Whisky Robbery – Whisky Galore 2”

The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd