Carabao Cup Drawn in Morrisons

Carabao Cup draw takes place in the Morrisons soft drinks aisle

A controversial venue choice has led to bitter outrage and furious condemnation for the organisers of the Rumbelows Coca-Cola Littlewoods Challenge Over-sugared Carabao Soft Drink Championship. The draw for Round 1 of the trophy (which led to such mouth-watering pairings as Grimsby v Doncaster and Blackpool v Macclesfield) took place in the Colindale branch of Morrison’s on Thursday evening.

WTF Wrestlers train at Primark

WTF Wrestlers work out at Primark

Fighters at WTF Wrestling have been queuing up at Birmingham Primark in order to hone key combat skills. 

Wrestling coaches were amazed at the strength, speed and physical co-ordination shown by bargain hunting Primark shoppers. They also found Primark customers power to weight ratio presented their wrestlers with a “bloody good workout“.

Woman in a builders merchants

Builders Merchants stunned when a woman knows exactly what she wants

Staff at a well known South London, Builders Merchants  were left dumbfounded yesterday. A woman entered the branch and knew exactly what she needed to buy.

Staff initially felt uncomfortable at the unusual turn of events. Her presence, immediately, doubled the IQ in the building and she appeared resistant to their ‘friendly banter.’

When we say ‘Artisan’ that doesn’t mean we want customers who work with their hands, admits posh bakery

Fear and chaos ensued in Shoreditch yesterday, when an a blue-collar worker, entered a high-end, artisan bakery.

At first, everyone remained calm and silent, until he took the provocative step of asking for a cut white loaf. Stunned, the assistant and drama student, Pippa Piper-Montacute, was unable to respond. Bravely, she endeavoured to offer the suspect a sourdough, gluten-free bloomer, as a means of placation.