Tag: Shopping

Builders Merchants stunned when a woman knows exactly what she wants

Woman in a builders merchants

Staff at a well known South London, Builders Merchants  were left dumbfounded yesterday. A woman entered the branch and knew exactly what she needed to buy.

Staff initially felt uncomfortable at the unusual turn of events. Her presence, immediately, doubled the IQ in the building and she appeared resistant to their ‘friendly banter.’ Continue reading “Builders Merchants stunned when a woman knows exactly what she wants”

When we say ‘Artisan’ that doesn’t mean we want customers who work with their hands, admits posh bakery

Fear and chaos ensued in Shoreditch yesterday, when an a blue-collar worker, entered a high-end, artisan bakery.

At first, everyone remained calm and silent, until he took the provocative step of asking for a cut white loaf. Stunned, the assistant and drama student, Pippa Piper-Montacute, was unable to respond. Bravely, she endeavoured to offer the suspect a sourdough, gluten-free bloomer, as a means of placation.  Continue reading “When we say ‘Artisan’ that doesn’t mean we want customers who work with their hands, admits posh bakery”

M&S shares rise sharply as middle-aged man goes on his bi-annual shopping spree

A middle-aged British man faced up to the horror of his biennial clothes shopping trip today.

Ian Napton, from Wiltshire, headed for his local branch of Marks and Spencer for a wallet-emptying day of buying safe, unfashionable shirts, jeans, chinos, a dressing gown and a new pair of slippers.

Continue reading “M&S shares rise sharply as middle-aged man goes on his bi-annual shopping spree”

The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd