Number 10 has confirmed the Prime Minister chaired a meeting of the Cobra Emergency Committee this morning after reports that a Financial Services worker, unable to commute into London due to snow, ran perilously low on teabags whilst working at home. Continue reading “Emergency COBRA meeting called after a snowbound man was down to his last two tea-bags”
The Met Office has welcomed its favourite time of the year when temperatures plummet, the television weather forecasts are overlaid on some nice photos of sharp blue skies and the viewers pay attention for once at the first mention of snow in the hope of not being able to go to work. Continue reading “Surprisingly people are actually listening to the yellow snow warnings rather than ogling the TV weather girl”
Ian Napton, an Editor at the Daily Express, passed away after reports came in of significant snowfalls in Northern England, with some significant accumulations even in low lying areas and drifting in more exposed parts.
After years of predicting significant and disruptive snowfalls across the country, the strain of being right, just once, was too much for Mr Napton’s heart to take. Continue reading “Daily Express Editor dies after suffering a prolonged orgasm, brought on by the arrival of winter snow in the UK”
Gillian Napton has suffered an injury to her pride, following an unfortunate fall on her front steps.
Attempting to prepare for the severe weather, Gillian had made an emergency expedition to Aldi, for crisis rations and a snow shovel. Heavily laden with thirty-six pints of milk, ten loaves of bread and three litres of gin, Gillian sadly overbalanced into the herbaceous border. Continue reading “Catastrophe in the southern English village of Datchet as 1 mm of snow causes chaos”
Once again The Daily Express warns of the impending Snowmageddon, with an annual dip in temperatures and the sudden arrival of wintry conditions.
One notable, Jacob Rees-Mogg, has welcomed the news. “Winter brings with it not just snow, ice and chaos, but also opportunity. The chance to revive the age old Frost Fair, on the Thames, once such a feature of my childhood, I regret my progeny have been unable to partake in such festivities.” Continue reading “Jacob Rees-Mogg welcomes the return of the Frost Fair”