Tag: Social Media

White Hart Lane tube station to be renamed ‘Constant Disappointment’

White Hart Lane

As the White Hart Lane stadium redevelopment nears completion, plans to rename the nearest underground station get underway.

Football fans have been invited to choose the new name for White Hart Lane Tube Station. However, the authorities have clearly learned nothing from the  ‘Boaty McBoatface’ incident. Continue reading “White Hart Lane tube station to be renamed ‘Constant Disappointment’”

Hitler’s Banjo Boogie Album sales fall, following TV documentary

Hitler's Banjo Boogie Album

Hitler’s Banjo Boogie Album sales fell sharply following a recently aired music documentary. Shown on the History Channel, over three days, it has led to a sharp decline in digital music sales. Outraged fans started a nationwide boycott of the World’s number one selling banjoist. An artist who performed to sell-out crowds and revolutionised Banjoism.

On Wednesday night, the History Channel aired the first part of their documentary ‘Inside the Third Reich’. Consequently, by Thursday morning music outlets were noticing a clear downward trend.  Continue reading “Hitler’s Banjo Boogie Album sales fall, following TV documentary”

RIP – the lion hearted champion of truth, decency and traditional, white, middle-class values, that was The Daily Mail

Daily Mail preaching to the choir

In the modern era of high-quality online news websites, The Daily Mail has finally announced its imminent closure.

We haven’t printed any truthful news for nearly thirty years,” said Deputy Editor, Ian Napton. “Nobody here could accept how The Conservative Party treated Margaret, and our hearts haven’t quite been in it ever since. We run stories about house prices, cancer, immigrants, The Royal Family and the EU because people expect us to, but truthfully, I pay my twelve year old daughter a fiver a week to write those.” Continue reading “RIP – the lion hearted champion of truth, decency and traditional, white, middle-class values, that was The Daily Mail”

Generation Teen win praise for their valuable contribution to our community, not

Generation teen have been commended, for their ongoing contribution to the community.

Special thanks goes to their passionate use of raucous vocabulary, as it ensures that everyone within a mile radius can feel included in their conversation. Seeing adolescent romance played out at the bus-stop, has been likened to viewing modern Shakespeare. One drama fan, Gillian Napton mused, ‘’Hearing such lively banter after a long shift, is the highlight of my day. ’’
Continue reading “Generation Teen win praise for their valuable contribution to our community, not”

Social services are delighted after hearing that Russell Brand doesn’t bother looking after his children

The Department of Social Services have made a statement about Russell Brand and his child rearing practices. This is in response to the media coverage of an interview Russell gave, where he admitted he doesn’t look after his children.

Gavin Williams, spokesperson for the Department, explained, “We are quite delighted. We were concerned that the children were at real risk of long term psychological damage if left in the care of Mr Brand but now we know he has not been alone with them for more than a couple of hours at a time, we are sure they will be ok.” Continue reading “Social services are delighted after hearing that Russell Brand doesn’t bother looking after his children”

Daily Express Editor dies after suffering a prolonged orgasm, brought on by the arrival of winter snow in the UK

Ian Napton, an Editor at the Daily Express, passed away after reports came in of significant snowfalls in Northern England, with some significant accumulations even in low lying areas and drifting in more exposed parts.

After years of predicting significant and disruptive snowfalls across the country, the strain of being right, just once, was too much for Mr Napton’s heart to take. Continue reading “Daily Express Editor dies after suffering a prolonged orgasm, brought on by the arrival of winter snow in the UK”

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