Prince Andrew’s personal protection squad has been withdrawn after terrorists claim he’s too toxic to bother with.
The Security Services provides personal protection when members of the Royal Household are considered ‘at risk’ from terrorist groups, or unstable members of the public. If an attack emanates from within the Royal Family they are, traditionally, left to their own devices.
Why does nobody love me anymore?
The Napton family has come to the sad realisation that it was time for Grandad to go into a home.
The trouble started when Grandad went to the local shop for a packet of Werthers Originals and came back with a copy of the Daily Mail. The embarrassed family immediately called an emergency meeting. After a quick chat, they decided that, even though he was only 58, it was time for him to go into a home. Grandma was delighted.
The Daily Mail, really? Oh! Grandad, How could you?
An American tourist has contracted a rare disease after posing for a photo in a London telephone box.
Geoff Peters of Scottsdale was rushed to St Thomas Hospital last Friday evening after foolishly taking a photo inside one of London’s disgusting red telephone boxes. It is believed that he has contracted a strain of the McNamara virus, an autoimmune disease thought to be extinct since the 1980s. It would also appear that this would be the first time the phone box has been used since then and the virus had been safely contained within before Mr Peters decided to take a clichéd photo for his family WhatsApp.
French lessons?
North London Guardianista, Ian Napton, has locked himself away in shame after agreeing with something said by Piers Morgan.
“I couldn’t believe I’d done it. I was sitting on the toilet, reading twitter and someone retweeted one of his tweets. Almost without thinking, I liked and shared it. Now my follower count is down to three, even the wife has changed her twitter name and unfollowed me.”
wHAT HAVE i DONE?
The Sun have sensationally sacked their editor, Ian Napton after it emerged that he’s a descendant of the infamous hand-washer, Pontius Pilot. The paper’s owners said, “He failed to disclose his shameful ancestry when he was asked about his family history at the