Tag: Southern Rail

Southern Rail running a reduced service as some winter snow has fallen in the north of Scotland

Southern Rail says it has been forced to cancel some existing services and delay some trains due the unforeseen winter snow falling in the North of Scotland.

Ian Napton, a spokesperson for Southern Rail explained, “I know it seems unlikely, but the sudden and unexpected snow in the North of Scotland causes tremors in the rail network web, these ripples cast out like ripples in a pond, and eventually leading to disruption to train services in the far south of the country.” Continue reading “Southern Rail running a reduced service as some winter snow has fallen in the north of Scotland”

Millennial expresses outrage on Instagram after being asked to take his bag off a seat on a busy train

Southern Rail commuters witnessed outrage this morning, when a millennial was asked to move their bag from the seat, on a packed train.

Although Joshua Woods was already sitting comfortably, Ian Napton inexcusably demanded that he ‘shifted’ the offending bag. Continue reading “Millennial expresses outrage on Instagram after being asked to take his bag off a seat on a busy train”

Southern Rail to introduce External Class rail travel in a bid to reduce train over crowding

As Southern Rail’s beleaguered customers quietly fume at yet another fare increase in return for ever poorer service, the company’s ‘Managers’ have come up with a cunning plan. 

Following a recent trip to India, Senior Manager Ian Napton was impressed with the effectiveness of Indian Rail’s external seating class. It effectively doubled the capacity of each train, at no extra cost to the company.  Continue reading “Southern Rail to introduce External Class rail travel in a bid to reduce train over crowding”

Southern Fail regret to announce two months of delays and cancellations due to the unexpected arrival of autumn

National embarrassment of a rail company, Southern Fail, have regretfully announced that because of leaves on the line, train travellers can expect a continued programme of misery, despair and all around crappiness.

This weeks excuse is because of the unexpected arrival of autumn. Continue reading “Southern Fail regret to announce two months of delays and cancellations due to the unexpected arrival of autumn”

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