Tag: Sport

Controversy as ex-state school pupil joins England Cricket as Waterboy

Got ya, you bastard

Cricket, often considered an elitist sport has now become so diversified that a former state school pupil has joined the national team, albeit as Waterboy.

In order to broaden the games appeal, the ECB have allowed a non-Public School boy to become associated with the team. The appointment of Ian Napton, formerly of Knappers Comprehensive, Birmingham, marks a significant attitudinal change within the cricket establishment.

Continue reading “Controversy as ex-state school pupil joins England Cricket as Waterboy”

Grandad moves golf club after finding out his mates are Facebook racists

Old Golfers

Golfer, Ian Napton, has moved from his local club since discovering his playing partners are Facebook racists.

The trouble started when his grandchildren persuaded him to join Facebook. It was all very exciting, his golf mates were regular users and they were soon following each other. They shared jokes, news and posts. Continue reading “Grandad moves golf club after finding out his mates are Facebook racists”

Rumpus at Runnymede as lycra louts lash out

Smug cyclist

Wrangles at a Thames weir towpath, between a cyclist and a runner, caused widespread consternation and mass eyebrow raising, in middle class suburbia.

Reacting bitterly to the passive-aggressive rumpus, Ian Napton reported his abject horror, at a ‘perspiring runner type’ advancing towards him, ‘’On approaching the gate on my bicycle, I noticed a competitive, faux athletic female, pacing towards me. Immediately, I sensed an air of vulgarity about her.’’ Continue reading “Rumpus at Runnymede as lycra louts lash out”

Architectural award goes to a field covered in tarmac

Architectural award for tarmac covered field

Consternation in Eastbourne as an exciting new arts and theatre complex wins the countries top architectural prize. The award of The Napton, given to the new building or installation that best exemplifies use of material and space in a contemporary setting; is seen as a major endorsement of the council’s controversial £320 Million cultural hub project. 

However, critics, Philistines and other illiterati, claim this is the council wasting the people’s money, once again. There was much local opposition to the Mayor’s vanity project. Continue reading “Architectural award goes to a field covered in tarmac”

Euro 2020 allows useless teams in but there’s still no room for Scotland

European Championships Wall Chart

In the wake of hugely productive talks over the creation of an unfathomably brilliant 48-team World Cup, allowing space for sporting giants such as Azerbaijan, Lithuania and Bhutan, plans are afoot for a further expansion of the European Championships.

UEFA press guru, Dr Darren Devine, was on hand to unveil the scheme; “In 2016 we took a crucial step forward, moving from 16 to 24 teams. It’s only logical now that we move to the next stage in our evolution – 54 teams.” Continue reading “Euro 2020 allows useless teams in but there’s still no room for Scotland”

Scotland to get extra Bank Holiday to celebrate Euro20 success

Bank holiday as Scottish Refs reach final

Ian McNapton, Scotland’s Minister for Sport, has put forward a motion to make March 22nd a new Bank Holiday. Mr McNapton was trying to restore the nation’s morale after the side’s disastrous performances in the recent Euro20 qualifying games.

Unfortunately, everyone who saw Scotland play thought, “Same shite, different day. This lot would manage to finish second in a game of Solitaire” Continue reading “Scotland to get extra Bank Holiday to celebrate Euro20 success”

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