Sir Ben

The Sun defend being a right bunch of Jeremy’s

A spokesperson for the Sun defended their decision to publish a brutally insensitive article, relating to England cricket star Ben Stokes, on the basis that it was ‘in the national interest.’

Continuing the diatribe, they announced, ‘We are all a little bit sick of Brexit, so in the absence of a good child abduction story, or the Queen snuffing it, we thought we’d give the public a hearty tragedy to get stuck into it.’

Sir Ben

The privilege of Droit de Seigneur is to be bestowed on Sir Ben Stokes

It’s not often that a cricketer makes the front page. Once the bad boy of English cricket, Ben Stokes return to the game has been spectacular. Single handedly winning the World Cup by destroying New Zealand and last week saving the Ashes by bashing the arse out of the Aussies, he now has the world at his feet.  

Given his fantastic performances on the field, there has been a concerted campaign to have him knighted. Her Majesty is to grant the request, and to go one step further. So moved was she by Ben’s performances, she has decided to reinstate that ancient right of Droit de Seigneur.

Scientists begin search for Australia’s missing backbone

Scientists and Doctors working at Credulous College have begun an extensive search for the long-lost Australian Spine.

Once upon a time the Australians were famous for their backbone. It provided strength and certainty in difficult times. Its absence was first noted when their cricket team turned in some woeful performances, for example failing to bowl out Alistair Cook.

This led to some light-hearted chants, such as “Are you England in disguise?” Of course, the England fans had no reason to believe this state of affairs would last long. Surely, the Australians would rediscover their backbone and return to thumping England all over the place.

Handball

Football’s Ian Holloway looks Forward to Post-Brexit Utopia

An interesting appearance from the mystifyingly unemployed soccer supremo, Ian Holloway, on Sky Sports’ flagship nonsense shouting enterprise ‘the Debate’ (which as much follows the rules of a normal debate as two pissed up Doncaster Rovers fans screaming insults at each other in the door to a pub on Saturday night) shed new light on the rumbling Brexit fiasco after Holloway gave the EU credit for making a right mess of the handball rules in football.