Tag: technology

Apple are the big winners as Huawei lose Voice of God contract

God has booted Huawei out of the Voice of God network.

The Voice of God network is out of date and in need of an upgrade. In the relentless battle for likes, clicks and followers, billions of people are using the social media “Pray For …” channels and the system can’t cope. This means Heaven needs to upgrade to Big G.

It was a very tempting offer, says God

Met Office to reboot Stonehenge in IT upgrade

Met Office plans to upgrade their weather forecasting technology by rebooting Stonehenge.

The current IT system, at Weather Towers, has become obsolete so the Met Office has looked for other cost-effective methods for mis-predicting the weather. At a cost of £1.2B, a new supercomputer is too expensive, hence the Stonehenge reboot.

The stone is wet, it must be raining!

Typing BBC into Google gave Grandma a bit of a shock

Nanny Napton’s children bought her a Laptop so she could stay in touch with her growing family. Ian, her 14-year-old grandson was charged with teaching her how to use it.

After a few basic lessons she was hooked up to social media accounts, had been shopping online, was commenting on articles and threads and looking at photographs galore on Instagram.

Continue reading “Typing BBC into Google gave Grandma a bit of a shock”

Bank hit by a ‘Technical’ glitch after a customer tries to withdraw their own money

Lloyds Bank suffered yet another embarrassing technical glitch, after Ian Napton attempted to draw his own money out of his account.

He requested £80, the transaction appeared to be proceeding as normal when the ATM asked “Are you sure?” He hit, “Yes“.

The machine said, “We’ve seen your statement, you’ll only waste it. Are you sure you want to do that?“. Again, he responded, “Yes”. Continue reading “Bank hit by a ‘Technical’ glitch after a customer tries to withdraw their own money”

Whoops! Electronics company lose 10 million customers details – again

The popular computer sales company, Dixons Carphone Warehouse, today admitted that the security password on its customer information database had proved too easy to guess for pesky hackers.

The firm’s spokesman, Will Gates, said “The chap who set the system up in 1994 set the password to “password” and, on reflection, and in this age of people deliberately trying to hack their way into places they have no business, it seems obvious that someone would guess correctly eventually. Perhaps we ought to have changed it to something like “password1” before now.” Continue reading “Whoops! Electronics company lose 10 million customers details – again”