Tag: Theresa May

As Theresa’s last day at work approaches, Downing Street staff ponder ideas for a suitable leaving gift

Bye Theresa, don't let the door hit you on the way out

As a bicycle rack is installed outside 10 Downing Street and a taxpayer-funded padlock is being wrapped as a welcome gift for the new Prime Minister, staff are preparing to say their farewells to Theresa May.

Ideas are being considered for what would constitute a suitable farewell gift, and a suggestion box has been left in the hallway, just behind the famous black front door, where all staff can discreetly leave suggestions.

What should we say?

Brexiteer Tories forced to thank Jeremy Corbyn after he does them a solid

Jeremy says No

Senior Tory MP’s found themselves in disarray last night after realising they would need to thank Jeremy Corbyn for the break down in talks with Theresa May.

Many senior Tory MP’s have been apoplectic with rage since The Prime Minister announced that she was willing to discuss joining forces with Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour Party to try and get a Brexit deal through Parliament. Continue reading “Brexiteer Tories forced to thank Jeremy Corbyn after he does them a solid”

What’s happened to Chris Grayling?

Where's Wally

Concern mounted about the Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling, after a reporter noticed that he hadn’t made a colossal cock-up in the last month.

The journalist, Ian Napton, broke the story ‘I was short of ideas the Sunday feature, and I did what I always do, went looking for details of Chris Grayling’s latest howler. There’s always one but this time there was nothing. I couldn’t find anything since he paid £40 million to run empty ferries to France and back. It was a concern, for a minute there I thought I’d have to do some proper work, then I realised this was the story.” Continue reading “What’s happened to Chris Grayling?”

DWP Punishments revised to include lines, fagging and giving up teddy

Punishment with lines and a cap

The Government are to soften their hard-line punishment of benefit claimants.

Benefit claimants faced serious financial penalties for minor infractions of the system. This led to people calling the Government some very nasty names. Stung by this criticism, and faced with a General Election, the cabinet have decided to relax the rules. Continue reading “DWP Punishments revised to include lines, fagging and giving up teddy”

Delay to Brexit allow’s politicians to have their summer holiday in peace

Delay means holiday in Provence
The latest Brexit delay finally produces something our politicians can agree on, six weeks in Provence during the summer is eminently agreeable.
Members of the ERG, moderate Tories, Lib Dems, the Scottish lot and even The Speaker rushed online in the middle of the night to secure their preferred gite and ferry crossings as the Brexit deadline was extended to 31 October. Labour members booked their usual week in Scarborough.

Continue reading “Delay to Brexit allow’s politicians to have their summer holiday in peace”

For Sale; Britain, one careful lady owner and a sh*t one

For Sale, one careless lady owner

Great Britain has been bought on eBay for £10.50, by a Mr D Trump of Orange County, Florider.

The Advert read; For Sale; One country, slightly soiled, leans a bit to the right, dodgy runner. Feels a bit unloved and uncared for. She was an absolute stunner in her day. One careful lady owner for the last 65 years and a shit one for three. Nice retirement project for a handy pensioner who can fix things. Buyer collects. Continue reading “For Sale; Britain, one careful lady owner and a sh*t one”

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