Ina radical re-modernisation the upcoming Tory Leadership Contest is to be decided by cage fighting with the winner becoming the ‘Ultimate Fu**ing C**t’.
Standard UFC Rules apply; no hair-pulling, scratching, name calling, although back-stabbing is mandatory. The winner is the last FC standing. Continue reading “Tory leadership challenge to use cage fighting to determine the Ultimate FC”
House of Commons
Office of The Prime Minister
10 Downing Street
To: Sir Graham Brady MP
Chair 1922 Committee
House of Commons
Dear Sir Graham,
It is with a tremendous sense of relief I write to you, to express my complete lack of confidence in myself. Continue reading “Theresa May writes to Sir Graham saying she no longer has any confidence in herself”
After a day of parliamentary nightmares, Ebenee May has been plagued by ghoulish visions, rattling chains and things going bump in the night. Experts have been drafted in to help Ebenee sleep at night.
The unearthly spectre of David Cameron disturbs her slumber, showing her the consequences of Christmas past. She lies awake, besieged by hostile immigrants, street riots and the Windrush generation but, owing to service cuts there’s not a police officer to help. Continue reading ““Bah! Humbug! Why can’t I sleep?” cries Ebenee May”
Loud foot stamping could be heard resonating through the Houses of Commons last night, after Father Christmas confirmed he wouldn’t be granting Theresa May anything on her Christmas Brexit wish list.
At twenty nine pages long, Theresa’s wish list appears to be too much work for Santa and it’s looking increasingly likely that Father Christmas will pass over Downing Street altogether. Continue reading “Santa’s end of year review puts Theresa on The Naughty List”
Sympathy is beginning to mount for the gathering misfortune faced by Mother Theresa May.
As she wanders through the hallowed halls of Westminster, she remains devout in her mission to convert anyone who will listen, to her Brexit bible. Continue reading “Mother Theresa May continues to pray for a miracle as the Devil tests the Brexit Faithful”
In a remarkable show of bloody-mindedness Theresa May held a press conference confirming her deal was the only deal, there’s no other deal and if everyone didn’t vote for her and let her be PM any more she’d have no choice but to carry on.
In collaboration with Lord Greystoke, she’s produced details of her Post-Brexit vision. Continue reading “Theresa May’s Guide to a Post-Brexit Britain”