Tag: Theresa May

Tory leadership challenge to use cage fighting to determine the Ultimate FC

Ina  radical re-modernisation the upcoming Tory Leadership Contest is to be decided by cage fighting with the winner becoming the ‘Ultimate Fu**ing C**t’.

Standard UFC Rules apply; no hair-pulling, scratching, name calling, although back-stabbing is mandatory. The winner is the last FC standing. Continue reading “Tory leadership challenge to use cage fighting to determine the Ultimate FC”

Theresa May writes to Sir Graham saying she no longer has any confidence in herself

Logo

House of Commons
Office of The Prime Minister
Theresa May
10 Downing Street
London
SW1A 2AA
To: Sir Graham Brady MP
Chair 1922 Committee
House of Commons
London
SW1A 0AA

 

Dear Sir Graham,

It is with a tremendous sense of relief I write to you, to express my complete lack of confidence in myself. Continue reading “Theresa May writes to Sir Graham saying she no longer has any confidence in herself”

“Bah! Humbug! Why can’t I sleep?” cries Ebenee May

After a day of parliamentary nightmares, Ebenee May has been plagued by ghoulish visions, rattling chains and things going bump in the night. Experts have been drafted in to help Ebenee sleep at night.

The unearthly spectre of David Cameron disturbs her slumber, showing  her the consequences of Christmas past. She lies awake, besieged by hostile immigrants, street riots and the Windrush generation but, owing to service cuts there’s not a police officer to help. Continue reading ““Bah! Humbug! Why can’t I sleep?” cries Ebenee May”

Santa’s end of year review puts Theresa on The Naughty List

Loud foot stamping could be heard resonating through the Houses of Commons last night, after Father Christmas confirmed he wouldn’t be granting Theresa May anything on her Christmas Brexit wish list.

At twenty nine pages long, Theresa’s wish list appears to be too much work for Santa and it’s looking increasingly likely that Father Christmas will pass over Downing Street altogether. Continue reading “Santa’s end of year review puts Theresa on The Naughty List”

The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd