Tag: Thoughts and Prayers

Slaughter at Trump International Tower as shouts of “Yeehah” are mistaken for “Jihad”

Trump scandal

President Trump has been implicated in the suppression of yet another unfavourable news story. Details of the latest mass shooting, in the Land of the Free, were hushed up to protect Donald’s financial backers, the NRA.

Tragedy struck at Trump International Tower (TIT), Chicago. Demonstrations are commonplace outside El Presidente’s Penis so his Bulgarian security team are well prepared for any eventuality. Continue reading “Slaughter at Trump International Tower as shouts of “Yeehah” are mistaken for “Jihad””

Prayers not water put out Notre Dame fire, says God

French firemen did nothing prayers saved the day

The fire at Notre Dame cathedral would have engulfed the whole of Paris if it hadn’t been for the millions of prayers offered up to God, says the leading Catholic deity.

Hundreds of firefighters who risked life and limb throughout the night to douse the flames will be relieved to know that their efforts were pointless, as he could have extinguished the fire any time he liked, said God at a post-conflagration press conference. “Yeah that was definitely me,” he said. “The angels said they were getting all these prayers asking me to stop the fire destroying one of my houses, so I took immediate action and put the blaze out about eight hours later. I could have razed the city to the ground if I’d felt like it, but I guess I’m just munificent like that.”  Continue reading “Prayers not water put out Notre Dame fire, says God”

The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (The: school/shopping centre/church/hospital/community centre/workplace) in (state/town/city)

Right-thinking members of the NRA are tonight sending their thoughts and prayers to the victims of America’s latest mass shooting(s) at (insert location/s)

Billy Bob Williams, on behalf of the NRA, immediately held a mentally ill person who would’ve done it anyway, responsible. And he was probably a Muslim, wasn’t he? Continue reading “The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (The: school/shopping centre/church/hospital/community centre/workplace) in (state/town/city)

The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (The: school/shopping centre/church/hospital/community centre) in (state/town/city)

Right-thinking members of the NRA are tonight sending their thoughts and prayers to the victims of America’s latest mass shooting(s) at (insert location/s)

Billy Bob Williams, on behalf of the NRA, immediately held a mentally ill person who would’ve done it anyway, responsible. And he was probably a Muslim, wasn’t he? Continue reading “The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (The: school/shopping centre/church/hospital/community centre) in (state/town/city)

NHS turns to Shamen, spiritualists and colour therapists to ease the post-Brexit staffing crisis

Facing a drastic shortfall in post-Brexit, NHS, staffing levels, the Government have released details of their contingency planning. Hospital staff  numbers will be boosted by a range of alternative therapists such as Shamen, Spiritualists, Faith Healers, Homeopaths and Reflexologists.

The NHS also plans to turn existing ‘contemplation and worship spaces’ into dedicated, cutting edge, ‘Thoughts & Prayers (T&P)’ treatment centres. Continue reading “NHS turns to Shamen, spiritualists and colour therapists to ease the post-Brexit staffing crisis”

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