Boris Johnson has sent his favourite bath-sponge to help the people of South Yorkshire deal with their damp problem. Accused by his political opponents of doing more to help flood victims in Bangladesh than helping the people of South Yorkshire, immediate action was required.
Following today’s Cobra meeting the cabinet debated which Government
Emergency Response would play best with Tory Voters. As Jacob Rees-Mogg said “Well
as far as I can see it was entirely their own fault for living in Northern Labour
constituencies. Some people are too stupid for their own good, if they had used
their common-sense they would have left in their boats. If they can’t even help
themselves, what’s the point of us trying to help? There’s no upside to throwing
Rain Rain go away, come again another day
After appearing on Sky News this week, huge public support has inspired a local office chair to run for the General Election.
Alan Whickham-Smythe, the IKEA office chair and employee of Sky News, has announced that it will be running for the Independent “Oh sit down, Oh sit down, Sit down next to me” Party in the election following its starring role on the news when prominent Tory MP James Cleverly failed to sit on it. Instead, Whickham-Smythe has vowed to provide support for the country in any way possible with its two-armed swivel approach to politics.
Clearer than the Lib Dems, less offensive than The Tories and not Jeremy Corbyn. Vote Chair!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening , I deeply regret that it’s necessary for me to make another public apology.
Unfortunately, they’ve made me make an unreserved apology to all those people that are not supporters of the Tory Party. It seems they are easily offended, I don’t know why, it was just a bit of bants.
But I didn’t mean it (Fingers Crossed)
Advance briefing is everything for politicians dashing from
one interview to the next in the run-up to an election, and Jacob
Rees-Mogg understands that better than most.
Rushing into one radio interview, he was armed only with the
rationale that leaving is common sense and that people should ignore
advice to remain. All good and all on-message so far. The tired old Leave vs
Remain argument. An easy interview to head into.
I’m a silly old nuggins says JRM
Opponents of Tory General Election candidate Francesca O’Brien have given up hope of being elected.
Lib Dem candidate, Ian Napton, told us, “What chance do we have against this sort of Tory talent. She goes around saying benefits claimants need to be put down and shameless Tories everywhere will come out and vote for her. It’s just the kind of bigoted nonsense every Daily Mail reader wants to hear. She’ll get a massive majority. There’s really no point in me standing against her.”
Daily MAIL HAILS NEW QUEEN