Ivor The Engine is to come out of retirement, it has been announced, along with his driver, Jones The Steam.
Following the government’s announcement on HS2, Welsh MPs have vociferously complained that the proposed route, from London to the Midlands and onward to the North, excludes Wales altogether, so they’ve decided to be ahead of the game on HS3, which will run from Caernarfon to Rhyl.
A normal human being has been arrested outside of Gunnersbury Tube Station after threatening to murder everyone for walking too slowly.
Tom Merton, (25) from Glasgow, was apprehended by the
British Transport Police when slow-walking Londoners made him eight seconds
late for his District Line service. The normal-speed-walking Glaswegian lost
his temper and kicked one of the automatic ticket barriers when the business
executive in front of him decided to stop to make sure his accounts were in
order over his Bluetooth headset.
The national rail service is in chaos due to an unexpected burst of sunny weather. Services as far north as Scotland have been badly hit by the rise in temperatures.
Ian Napton “We were taken completely by surprise. No-one expected warm sunny days in June, July and August. We had prepared for overcast skies, mild drizzle and a general sense of despondency. The rail network just can’t cope with sunshine.”
The Royal Household’s annual budget came under scrutiny yet again today after it was revealed that the Prince of Wales had spent £20,000 on a train journey from London to Port Talbot.
It is understood that where the Prince would ordinarily allow his Private Secretary’s team to take care of such mundane matters, he was intrigued to have a go at booking a train ticket online himself, with expensive consequences.