In a refreshing burst of honesty Southern Rail has decided to rebrand itself as Southern Buses.
Company Spokesman, Ian Napton explained, “It’s more reflective of our operation and how it works. We run far more buses than trains, the fact that we are charging full train fares for a bus journey makes it an immensely profitable business for us.” Continue reading “Southern Rail to be more accurately renamed as Southern Buses”
Southern Rail says it has been forced to cancel some existing services and delay some trains due the unforeseen winter snow falling in the North of Scotland.
Ian Napton, a spokesperson for Southern Rail explained, “I know it seems unlikely, but the sudden and unexpected snow in the North of Scotland causes tremors in the rail network web, these ripples cast out like ripples in a pond, and eventually leading to disruption to train services in the far south of the country.” Continue reading “Southern Rail running a reduced service as some winter snow has fallen in the north of Scotland”
Southern Rail commuters witnessed outrage this morning, when a millennial was asked to move their bag from the seat, on a packed train.
Although Joshua Woods was already sitting comfortably, Ian Napton inexcusably demanded that he ‘shifted’ the offending bag. Continue reading “Millennial expresses outrage on Instagram after being asked to take his bag off a seat on a busy train”
As Southern Rail’s beleaguered customers quietly fume at yet another fare increase in return for ever poorer service, the company’s ‘Managers’ have come up with a cunning plan.
Following a recent trip to India, Senior Manager Ian Napton was impressed with the effectiveness of Indian Rail’s external seating class. It effectively doubled the capacity of each train, at no extra cost to the company. Continue reading “Southern Rail to introduce External Class rail travel in a bid to reduce train over crowding”