Tag: UK

Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is the reincarnation of Sir Lancelot du Lac claims spiritualist

Sir Lancelot

Spiritualist claims that Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is the reincarnation of Sir Lancelot du Lac, heroic knight, legendary swordsman, jouster and jester.

Spiritualist, fortune teller and seer beyond the veil, Zofia Napattoni, believes that Boris Johnson is the reincarnation of the heroic knight, Sir Lancelot.

Ancient myth says that when Britain is threatened a hero will come to lead the people to safety and, according to Zofia, Boris is the man.

ARISE SIR BORIS THE RANDY!

£20,000 train ticket after Prince Charles used GWR’s On-Line booking site

The Royal Household’s annual budget came under scrutiny yet again today after it was revealed that the Prince of Wales had spent £20,000 on a train journey from London to Port Talbot.

It is understood that where the Prince would ordinarily allow his Private Secretary’s team to take care of such mundane matters, he was intrigued to have a go at booking a train ticket online himself, with expensive consequences.

One does ones best!

Desperate Migrants hauled from The Channel and returned to Birmingham

Catch that migrant, catch him now

More Migrants have been caught in the middle of the English Channel and have been returned to Birmingham

Today a joint operation between the Police and the Border Force captured three boats full of migrants desperate to flee the UK. The families were taken back to shore, where they were placed in police custody. They are expected to be returned to their homes, in Birmingham sometime tomorrow. Continue reading “Desperate Migrants hauled from The Channel and returned to Birmingham”

Bozo withdraws from Tory leadership race after Chris Grayling pledges his full support

Boris beaten off

Boris Johnson has withdrawn from the Tory Leadership campaign, after winning unequivocal endorsement from Chris Grayling.

Political pundits were surprised by Mr Grayling’s decision to support Boris. “At first we thought he was joking, perhaps he’d meant to announce his candidature but had somehow gotten it wrong again. However, it appears not, he was genuine.” said one. Continue reading “Bozo withdraws from Tory leadership race after Chris Grayling pledges his full support”

BBC Correspondent almost spaff’ed to death after latest Royal Wedding

Another Royal Parade

The BBC’s Royal Correspondent, Ian Napton, is reportedly near death after yet another Royal Wedding.

Sources have revealed that the veteran broadcaster has expressed so much ejaculate whilst covering this year’s Weddings and Birth’s that he has almost no fluid left in his body. He exists as little more than a desiccated husk.
Continue reading “BBC Correspondent almost spaff’ed to death after latest Royal Wedding”

MP’s to vote on what to call Theresa’s Withdrawal Act

Withdrawal Act

Theresa May brings her Withdrawal Act back to Parliament for the third time. The Speaker, John Bercow has told her she can only bring it back if it’s substantively different.

Following a late night strategy planning session with Baldric, she has come up with a cunning plan. Instead of voting for the whole package in one go, Parliament will be asked to vote on it in stages, making it significantly different. That way no-one will notice it’s the same thing. Continue reading “MP’s to vote on what to call Theresa’s Withdrawal Act”

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