Following Boris Johnson’s positive test, Mark Francois is to be the next Prime Minister
Downing Street sources quickly identified the touchy-feely Boris Johnson as the super-spreader. Consequently, everyone he has had contact with has been isolated, including all cabinet ministers. Now, the search for a new leader is on.
Ironically, given the number of wankers living in the UK, there is a significant shortage of British sperm donors. The shortfall in national sperm stock is made up by foreign donors, with Scandinavian sperm proving to be the most popular.
Ian Napton, a Bin Man from Hastings managed to sneak into his local Waitrose, shocking their regular customers.
Waitrose Spokesman, Neil Jackson, said, “We would like to apologise to all of our customers for the presence of an unskilled manual worker in the store. We understand that some shoppers were disturbed by the experience. We would like to reassure our customers that we have increased security and don’t expect a repetition of this distressing behaviour.”