Theresa May brings her Withdrawal Act back to Parliament for the third time. The Speaker, John Bercow has told her she can only bring it back if it’s substantively different.
Following a late night strategy planning session with Baldric, she has come up with a cunning plan. Instead of voting for the whole package in one go, Parliament will be asked to vote on it in stages, making it significantly different. That way no-one will notice it’s the same thing. Continue reading “MP’s to vote on what to call Theresa’s Withdrawal Act”
Following confirmation that police don’t catch criminals, Theresa May announced the immediate abolition of the British Police Force.
In a surprise move, Mrs May confirmed that the police force costs the British tax payer over £12bn every year to run. The loss of the Police Force would free up vast sums of money to be spent on other, more important services, like health. Continue reading “As it’s revealed that Cops don’t catch criminals the PM closes down the Police Force and spends the money on your NHS”
This weeks winter Atlantic storm, was originally named Freya and it was expected to bring a sense of mild depression, together with bouts of heavy rain and high winds to all parts of the UK.
Unfortunately, the low pressure at the centre of the storm, has deepened, bring risk of substantial and prolonged depression to all areas of the country. With the increase in storm severity, it has been upgraded to catastrophic and renamed Storm Grayling. Continue reading “The status of the latest winter storm has been upgraded to catastrophic and renamed Storm Grayling”
There was outrage and disbelief across the country as Aston Martin revealed the price of their cars would have to rise, following Brexit.
Many of those working on low wages, whose income is topped up by benefits, have seen no increase in payments this year. This means many won’t be able to upgrade to Aston Martin’s latest model. Continue reading “Shock as Brexit makes buying an Aston Martin more unaffordable for everyday folk”
Number 10 has conceded that a second referendum may be needed to sort out the dog’s breakfast that is Brexit. Although this is a climb down, sources close to the Prime Minister have let it be known that she is keener on the idea than she is letting on.
Government aide, Ian Napton, said, “When TM became PM, she was confident she could blame the public when it all went wrong but she’s somehow cocked it up and let the public off scott free. It should have been a doddle to say, ‘well look, you voted for this’, but she made a Horlicks of it all and is shouldering the blame. Continue reading “Brexit Referendum, part 2; Are you sure? Are you really, really sure? Absolutely 100%, no take-backs sure that you still want to leave?”
In one of the more definitive results, in a National Vote, Britain has overwhelmingly chosen The Okey-Cokey as its entry into the Eurovision Song Contest.
Beating off strong competition from such nostalgia pop as; The White Cliffs of Dover Car Park, by Failing Grayling; Rule Britannia by Little Dick and The Johnsons, and F U EU by controversial rappers, The Elite, The Okey-Cokey was the surprise winner of the People’s Vote. Continue reading “UK selects The Okey-Cokey as its entry into The Eurovision Song Contest”