In a move to boost national morale, the UK Government is to introduce a “National Optimism Bill” implementing a number of motivational initiatives to “perk up” the beleaguered population, Meh! Britannia.
Inspired by Jacob Rees-Mogg playing “Rule Britannia” on his mobile phone, one initiative will see a “Mighty Wurlitzer” organ replacing the Speaker’s chair in the House of Commons; evoking the patriotism inherent in the Music Halls and Picture Houses of yesteryear.
Notes from a small island
Former Australian Prime Minister, and national embarrassment, Tony Abbott is undergoing transportation to Britain.
The Australian Government, long concerned about their worldwide reputation, didn’t know what to do with the former Prime Minister. Eventually a think tank came up with the idea of transporting him back to the Old Country.
“And you can keep the bugger!” Bruce
In an eleventh-hour attempt to snatch a vanquishment from the jaws of defeat in the EU trade negotiations, the Government is deploying a world-beating Artificially Intelligent trade negotiator called Tantrum Extremis. It is built by Agrada (the Mutant AI who successfully performed as a scapegoat for the A level grading fiasco).
I’ve got this ain in the diodes on my left side
As a result of the pandemic, Ryan Air is reorganising its operation and bringing their low-cost travel model to the passenger ferry market. Ryan Ferry.
“With the drop off in demand for air travel, we see new opportunities in the cross-channel ferry market. Demand for transport to the UK, has risen dramatically in recent weeks.”
Room for one more int he back of the boat
Satan has called in management consultants after external auditors failed to find any evidence of fraud in Hell’s annual accounts.
If Amazon don’t pay tax, why should I? Asks Satan