Tag: USA

God’s message to humanity

Not long ago, I was made aware of Republican congressman Tim Wahlberg’s comment that “God would ‘take care of climate change if it becomes a real problem’”.

Now I just want to assure Timbo that climate change is, in fact “a real problem”. Hurricanes, wildfires, sea levels rising, air quality… all these things are getting worse and worse for you little humans. 

Last time I was here it was a paradise, what have you done with the place?

Alabama offers political asylum to Tommy Robinson

Following release from one of Her Majesty’s finest hotels, Tommy Robinson has sent out a world-wide plea for political asylum.

Rejected by the electorate, incarcerated by an unforgiving judiciary and disavowed as a racist shite stirrer by his friends at the Daily Mail all he is looking for is a new start and, ironically, as an economic migrant keen to adapt to their ways, an even bigger income.

It’s just not British

Emeritus Professor of History, Donald Maximus Trump re-writes American History

Emeritus Professor of History, President Donald Maximus Trump has uncovered evidence that changes our understanding of American history.

After minutes of absolutely no research, Professor Trump proudly announced the discovery of a previously unknown relationship between America and Ancient Rome.

What have the Romans ever done for us!

Impeached Trump claims he’s never eaten peaches

The American President has finally found himself subject to impeachment proceedings. He is understandably outraged, “I’m peachy but I’ve never eaten Peaches” he claimed, before adding, “I’m more of an Orange man myself. Anyone who knows me knows how much I like sucking the juice out of a large Valencian or getting my hands on a juicy, young, Clementine.”

Democrats were suitably upset. One of the Clinton’s said, “This is outrageous, he definitely said his Maw Maw made ‘the bestest peach cobbler ever’, that ‘no-one bested her cobblers’ and he’s full of cobblers but now he’s claiming he’s never eaten peaches. There needs to be an enquiry.”

I don’t eat peaches claims President

Civil War follows arrival of US Peacekeepers in Paradise

The United States, in search of an understandable foreign policy has sent peacekeeping troops into one of the World’s quietest and most stable countries.

The once peaceful Paradise has enjoyed a long history of mutually beneficial coexistence between people from differing ethnic and religious backgrounds. Largely untouched by Western Nations for the last hundred years it has been allowed to go on, untroubled, about its business.

Boom! Boom!