Right-thinking members of the NRA are tonight sending their thoughts and prayers to the victims of America’s latest mass shooting(s) at (insert location/s)
Billy Bob Williams, on behalf of the NRA, immediately held a mentally ill person who would’ve done it anyway, responsible. And he was probably(insert specific non-white ethnicity, gender or sexuality), wasn’t he?
Diplomacy between the UK and the USA is being tested early in the New Year following the assassination of Qasem Soleimani.
The UK would ordinarily have expected to have been informed in advance that military action was being taken, but this wasn’t the case. Downing Street is understood to be “disappointed.”
A spokesman for the prime minister told us, “Boris is furious. Had he received the customary tip-off, he and his rich pals would have piled into oil, making a swift profit, selling before the weekend arrived. This has cost a lot of money.”
Minor Royal, and noted arms industry representative, Prince Andrew gave an interview on BBC Newsnight about his relationship with close personal friend and nonce, Jeffrey Epstein. The objective was to clarify the exact nature of their relationship and to explain that, despite being a repeat visitor to Jeffrey’s many houses, a guest at his many parties and personally accused of sex with a minor, that he knew nothing of Jeff’s sex trafficking business.