Tag: Waitrose

Fake Balsamic Vinegar; middle-class shoppers offered counselling

Fake Balsamic Vinegar on Bruschetta

Fake Balsamic Vinegar has entered the food supply chain resulting in middle class foodies becoming traumatised at the thought of having used unbranded vinegar.

Up market retailers were quick to reassure customers that they were doing everything they could to make sure the issue was resolved as quickly as possible.

Waitrose spokesman, Ian Napton, explained, “Initially we were shocked. We can’t have customers thinking we buy any old rubbish, stick a fancy label on it and then charge a huge mark up, just because we’re ‘upmarket’.” Continue reading “Fake Balsamic Vinegar; middle-class shoppers offered counselling”

Maths genius discovers a new number when trying to work out how much money he spent at Xmas

Professor of Advanced Mathematics at Oxford University, Sir Ian Napton, believes heĀ  has discovered a completely new number.

Sir Ian’s deep fascination for all things numerical includes his financial details. He recorded his account balances, monies spent and the amount remaining. Although the initial balance and spending figures were correct, the final balance never matched the money on account. Continue reading “Maths genius discovers a new number when trying to work out how much money he spent at Xmas”

Bin man distresses middle-class shoppers by sneaking into Waitrose

Ian Napton, a Bin Man from Hastings managed to sneak into his local Waitrose, much to the shock of regular customers.

Waitrose Spokesman, Neil Jackson, said, “We would like to apologise to all our customers for the presence of an unskilled manual worker, in the store. We understand that some shoppers were disturbed by the experience. We would like reassure our customers that we have increased security and don’t expect a repetition of this distressing behaviour.” Continue reading “Bin man distresses middle-class shoppers by sneaking into Waitrose”

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