Tag: Work

Neanderthal declared fit to work by ATOS

Neanderthal Skeleton undergoing an ATOS interview

Neanderthal, Jan Naptonmann, was declared fit for work after ATOS undertook an ‘At Home’ inspection of the 150,000  year old, Welsh resident.

Although, the DWP acknowledge his wide range of health problems, they say they aren’t a barrier to him getting a job. The Inspector feels withdrawing benefits would give Jan the motivation he needs to find employment. Continue reading “Neanderthal declared fit to work by ATOS”

Middle classes empathise with the poor after paying £250 for a seat at the theatre

The lavish hit west-end musical; The Poor, Poor Waitress on Benefits, has received unanimous acclaim for is portrayal of a young woman in an inner city, working 70 hours a week on minimum wage whilst trying to raise her pet Chihuahua.

The middle classes have praised its gritty unflinching realism, of a life without avocado and poached quails eggs for breakfast. Continue reading “Middle classes empathise with the poor after paying £250 for a seat at the theatre”

Meet Jonah Napton, Britain’s most redundant man. He’s been let go seven times

Jonah Napton has the unenviable record of being Britain’s most redundant man.  In what some are calling “an unbelievable run of bad luck”, Jonah has been let go 7 times. The latest on the last in first out principal.

The first time it happens, you kind of accept it as ‘just one of those things’, the second time feels a bit unfair but when it keeps on happening you start to think, ‘Is it me?” said Jonah. Continue reading “Meet Jonah Napton, Britain’s most redundant man. He’s been let go seven times”

54 yr old man w**ks himself into a coma after his first week working from home

Last Friday, Carl Jacksoff, was rushed to hospital after w**king himself into a coma.

Mr Jacksoff, an IT consultant from South Kensington, had recently given up employed work to start his own, home-based, IT business. He launched on Monday, but by Friday he was so physically drained he was no longer able to physically support himself.

Continue reading “54 yr old man w**ks himself into a coma after his first week working from home”

The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd