Tag: Xmas

“Bah! Humbug! Why can’t I sleep?” cries Ebenee May

After a day of parliamentary nightmares, Ebenee May has been plagued by ghoulish visions, rattling chains and things going bump in the night. Experts have been drafted in to help Ebenee sleep at night.

The unearthly spectre of David Cameron disturbs her slumber, showing  her the consequences of Christmas past. She lies awake, besieged by hostile immigrants, street riots and the Windrush generation but, owing to service cuts there’s not a police officer to help. Continue reading ““Bah! Humbug! Why can’t I sleep?” cries Ebenee May”

Department Store accidently hires Satan for this year’s Christmas Grotto

Due to an unfortunate spelling error, House of Frasier has accidently hired Satan, Lord of Evil, Devourer of Worlds and Harvester of Souls to dish out the Christmas presents to all the little children.

Unfortunately the mistake happened when a dyslexic intern was charged with booking Santa and his little helpers. When the agency returned the contracts, she didn’t realise they’d mis-spelled Santa, and they’d contractually booked Satan.  Continue reading “Department Store accidently hires Satan for this year’s Christmas Grotto”

Santa Claus to be banned as he has a negative effect on the health of children

The Department of Health have called for the banning of the popular seasonal character, Santa Claus, as he sets a bad example to children.

Dr Arthur Maynard, from The Ministry, said, “Santa is clearly not in the best of health. Given his diet of neat spirits, cakes, pies, it’s hardly surprising. He gives all of his vegetables to his reindeer. He’s borderline alcoholic, his ruddy red face suggests a serious heart condition, which isn’t surprising given his weight problems. He clearly has diabetes, and there’s no way his current diet controls his glucose levels.”  Continue reading “Santa Claus to be banned as he has a negative effect on the health of children”

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