Ian Napton, a perfectly healthy man, in his early thirties, insists that as he is suffering from a slight cold he’s on the verge of death.
“It was horrible, I felt a bit of a sniffle and had a couple of sneezes and that was it, I was done in. Of course I immediately took to my bed, armed with nothing more than a couple of good books, my mobile, the laptop, the TV Remote and a Classic Car magazine. There was no telling how long I was going to be off my feet, I thought I was going to die.” Continue reading “Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death”
Widespread confusion is engulfing the country, in the aftermath of Christmas, as people struggle to come to terms with reality. Millions have been spotted wandering the streets aimlessly, glassy-eyed, with slightly jaundiced complexions.
Alarming issues, such as not knowing the day of the week and having empty food cupboards, save for a discarded Christmas cake and stale undercooked turkey, have thrown the nation off balance. The most puzzling question is; Can we crack out the alcohol at nine in the morning? Continue reading “For Auld Lang’s Syne, one more beer won’t hurt”
In answer to the question: What do you get the man who has everything? the answer is the county of Hampshire.
As his family sat around the dinner table, wondering what to get the Pater Familias for this Yuletide season, one of the younger members suggested giving him a county. Continue reading “Jacob Rees-Mogg gets Hampshire for Xmas”
NHS 111 was on red alert last night, after experiencing high call volumes, from teenagers suffering with mysterious ailments.
Ageing relatives insisting on WiFi lockdown, to play ‘good old fashioned’ festive games, is thought to have created panic and shock like symptoms amongst the youth. Continue reading “Teenagers suffering anxiety, depression and PTSD as parents disconnect the WiFi over Xmas”
Uproar was caused at the A.N.Y office party, following an alleged assault to a middle aged man’s dignity.
Events unfolded following the onslaught of a free bar and insubstantial canapes. Whilst Chumbawamba was in full swing on the dancefloor, Robin from accounts, dressed as Santa, offered to show Anna from H.R his grinding. Alarmingly, she retorted ‘Get lost Grandpa!’, causing widespread guffawing and a distinctive dent to his ego. Continue reading “Drunk, middle-aged man loses his dignity at the office Xmas party”
Ian Napton, parcel delivery driver, called so often at one house that he’s now been invited to join the family for Xmas dinner.
“I was really flattered to be asked. Most of the time I catch people in the bath, on the toilet or I leave parcels with the neighbours just to annoy them, but something really clicked with the Jackson family.” Continue reading “A parcel delivery driver visits the Jackson’s house so often he’s now coming for Xmas dinner”