Tag: Xmas

Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death

Ian Napton, a perfectly healthy man, in his early thirties, insists that as he is suffering from a slight cold he’s on the verge of death.

NHS Doctor
A few days in bed will do the trick

It was horrible, I felt a bit of a sniffle and had a couple of sneezes and that was it, I was done in. Of course I immediately took to my bed, armed with nothing more than a couple of good books, my mobile, the laptop, the TV Remote and a Classic Car magazine. There was no telling how long I was going to be off my feet, I thought I was going to die.”

Man reading a porn mag
Just a little light reading, darling!
Help, I’m dying, bring soup…

Jacob Rees-Mogg gets Hampshire for Xmas

In answer to the question: This Xmas, what do you get the man who has everything? The answer is, the county of Hampshire.

Lounge lizard reclines
Call me Jacob, the face of Pomposity

As his family sat around the dinner table, wondering what to get the Pater Familias for this Yuletide season, one of the younger members suggested giving him a county. 

It’s just what one always wanted

Middle-aged man loses his dignity at the office Xmas party

Uproar was caused at the A.N.Y office party, following an alleged assault to a middle-aged man’s dignity.

Events unfolded following the onslaught of a free bar and insubstantial canapes. Whilst Chumbawamba was in full swing on the dancefloor, Robin from accounts, dressed as Santa, offered to show Anna from H.R his grinding. Alarmingly, she retorted ‘Get lost Grandpa!’, causing widespread guffawing and a distinctive dent to his ego.

hI-hO! hI-hO It’s off to work we go!

Department Store accidently hires Satan for this year’s Christmas Grotto

Due to an unfortunate spelling error, Harrods has accidently hired Satan, Lord of Evil, Devourer of Worlds and Harvester of Souls to dish out the Christmas presents to all the little children and to put the grot into grotto.

Santa
Hey Santa!

Unfortunately the mistake happened when a dyslexic intern was charged with booking Santa and his little helpers. When the agency returned the contracts, she didn’t realise they’d mis-spelled Santa, and they’d contractually booked Satan. 

Pass me a pitchfork, this one needs turning over