Britain’s Black Economy ruined as the UK moves to a cashless economy

Britain's Black Economy Ruined by lack of cash

Britain’s Black Economy lies in ruins as the UK moves to a cashless economy. With banks shutting branches and closing ATM’s, the cash supply is drying up.

It is the most vulnerable in society who feel the effect most, the;  drug dealers, strippers, thieves, forgers, Del Boys, window cleaners, local councillors, MP’s, football managers, taxi-drivers and builders.  Continue reading “Britain’s Black Economy ruined as the UK moves to a cashless economy”

Builders Merchants stunned when a woman knows exactly what she wants

Woman in a builders merchants

Staff at a well known South London, Builders Merchants  were left dumbfounded yesterday. A woman entered the branch and knew exactly what she needed to buy.

Staff initially felt uncomfortable at the unusual turn of events. Her presence, immediately, doubled the IQ in the building and she appeared resistant to their ‘friendly banter.’ Continue reading “Builders Merchants stunned when a woman knows exactly what she wants”

Bristol is crowned the cocaine capital of Europe

Bristol Man snorting cocaine from an I Pad

Amazingly, Bristol has beaten off stiff competition from Paris, Amsterdam, Frankfurt and Rome to be crowned: The Cocaine Capital of Europe.

Competition judges toured Europe, before declaring Bristol the winner.  The Italian Judge, Gianni Napatone, explained, “We ranked each city on: supply, purity, price and the likelihood of getting busted. Bristol came out top in all categories. Continue reading “Bristol is crowned the cocaine capital of Europe”

Red Nose Day Appeal – A man goes to the pub

Red Nose Day man in the pub

Red Nose Day comes around again. Once more, some very nice people set out to persuade you to give them some money, so you don’t have to think about something bad. This time they’re doing it with funny jokes and sketches, plus Alan Partridge and James Corden.

Ian Napton decided to enter into the spirit of the event by pledging, to go to the pub for the evening. Continue reading “Red Nose Day Appeal – A man goes to the pub”

Fancy writing for Chatty? Would you like to see your work published?

Old fashioned writing machine

The Chatty Chimp is an online, topical, poo flinging satirical news site, looking to carve out our little niche on the internet. So, our reporters spend their time writing stories about everyday life in the global Monkey House.

We love to give new writers a platform to have their work published. To urge funny people to put fingers to keyboard, in 250 words or less, and tell us something we hadn’t thought of.  Continue reading “Fancy writing for Chatty? Would you like to see your work published?”

The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd