The Chatty Chimp is an online, topical, poo flinging satirical news site, looking to carve out our little niche on the internet. So, our reporters spend their time writing stories about everyday life in the global Monkey House.
We love to give new writers a platform to have their work published. To urge funny people to put fingers to keyboard, in 250 words or less, and tell us something we hadn’t thought of. Continue reading “Fancy writing for Chatty? Would you like to see your work published?”
President Trump has been implicated in the suppression of yet another unfavourable news story. Details of the latest mass shooting, in the Land of the Free, were hushed up to protect Donald’s financial backers, the NRA.
Tragedy struck at Trump International Tower (TIT), Chicago. Demonstrations are commonplace outside El Presidente’s Penis so his Bulgarian security team are well prepared for any eventuality. Continue reading “Slaughter at Trump International Tower as shouts of “Yeehah” are mistaken for “Jihad””
The Government are to soften their hard-line punishment of benefit claimants.
Benefit claimants faced serious financial penalties for minor infractions of the system. This led to people calling the Government some very nasty names. Stung by this criticism, and faced with a General Election, the cabinet have decided to relax the rules. Continue reading “DWP Punishments revised to include lines, fagging and giving up teddy”
Scientists, working at Cretinous College, Camford, have solved one of science’s greatest mysteries, Why is chocolate milk brown?
After a series of trials, much money and a completely fortuitous observation by one of the cleaners, scientists confirmed that chocolate milk gets its colour from Brown cows. Continue reading “Chocolate Milk comes from Brown Cows say scientists”
Protestors were out in force, in Central London, in protest at the number of protest marches being held in the city.
The campaign started after the latest protest march caused some inconvenience to city folk. Londoners decided they had had enough, and formed their own protest group. Shortly afterwards, they took to the streets, in a largely peaceful protest. Continue reading “Protestors protesting about Protest Marches run into counter protest”
St Bastard’s Comprehensive in Whitchurch, Shropshire, faced emergency closure today after Religious Studies students attempted to re-enact the Crucifixion as a part of their coursework.
Ian Napton, the tutor, found himself being hoisted up on to a cross brought specially into class by two of the stronger boys. “At first, I played along, but when I saw the little bastards had real nails, I screamed ‘Jesus Christ!’ at the top of my voice. Fortunately, Miss Minors, the History teacher in the classroom next door intervened, for which I am eternally grateful, although I could have done without her telling the class that my lessons are fictional while hers are factually proven.”
The class had enlisted the help of their friends in Woodwork to build the cross. “We sit through this shit twice a week,” complained student Jayden Goodchild. “We wanted to see if the stories have any substance to them.”
A spokesman for the Board of Governors played down the incident. “This morning’s incident has been overstated in much the same way that last week’s collaboration between Chemistry and History students seeking to recreate Nazi gas chambers was. St Bastard’s prides itself on bringing history to life.”